- Pretend to be someone more successful, like the fake spy in True Lies, and the falsehood may just rub off on you
- Create an ‘accolade file’ for all your examples of positive feedback or successes. Take pride in it. (And if you never make it BIG, you have proof of how agonizingly close you got)
- Create little newspaper effigies of all the professionals/clients who have turned/let you down (Literary Agents, for e.g.) & stick them in the vermicomposting bin with extra worms
- Do naked yoga
- Remember that if you give up trying you will never succeed, so you mustn’t ever give up
- Hang around with losers, it’ll do your ego no end of good
- Seriously though, remind yourself that there are people out there who sit around and do fuck all every day; so pat yourself on the back. YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM
- Drink alcohol or smoke dope to numb the pain
- At low points, play the Muppet Song at full volume & shout along (record & stick on facebook)
- Go and do some gardening, can’t you see that it's getting desperate out there?
And here's the TWENTY TURD instalment of ABNORMAL!
Or read the whole novel to date:
AND PLEASE LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE TOO!
I STILL NEED HELP WITH SPREADING WORMS!!
Have a sizzing week!