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Thursday, 10 October 2013

Hypnotising Your Kitten...

Hypnotising Mogli...

For the same reason someone might seek hypnosis to eradicate bad habits, I decided to give: Removing Mogli's naughtiness a bash this week...

Steps to take:

  • As she starts to fall sleepy on your knee, whisper calmly whilst gently stroking her nose
  • Tell her that she's feeling sleepy, that she must surrender all control
  • Remind her that she is so cute and beautiful when she's GOOD
  • Remind her that she's living in a lovely home, with delicious food at the end of one meow
  • Remind her that she ought to be grateful
  • Tell her that she looks unpleasant with her ears back, her pupils dilated and her claws out
  • Tell her that, contrary to her belief, she's not big and scary when she does that sideways, bushy-tailed maneouvre at you
  • Chewing feet is BAD 
  • Tell her that her toys can easily be confiscated
  • Say that she should never be biting the hand that feeds her
  • Tell her that the sofa is not a scratching post, that we are NOT ladders
  • Tell her that it's no more interesting on the worktop than on the floor
  • Explain that she should be over playing with her shit in the litter tray by now
  • Bring her gently back out of the trance by stroking her tiny soft paws

If she wakes up scratching you, give her to Oxfam.


27th instalment of ABNORMAL can be found right here:

Whilst the whole novel to date is here:


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